Drunkenness Rating: 24 beers

I remember my first college party like it was yesterday. Butch, Mike, and I hopped aboard the local transit bus and followed the crowd. Following the crowd was something you did when you didn't know where a good party was. When the bus stops and 40 people get off at the same stop, you know you're in the right place. Also, everyone took the bus. The bus was free if you showed your student ID, stopped at all the major apartment complexes, and was the perfect designated driver.

While we were on the bus, I overheard this hot chick speaking Greek. I didn't know a lot of Greek, but one of my old high school chums was originally from Greece, so I knew the basic swear words. She about had an orgasm when I said something. "Oh.. You speak Greek!" she cried. "Please speak some Greek to me!" What could I do? Since I didn't know anything un-offensive, I cussed her out in Greek. I laid out every Greek insult and slur I knew. Oddly enough she was completely impressed. Unfortunately though, it was not meant to be. We were on a mission to find a party, and 40 people had just gotten off the bus, so we had to leave her. She declined our invitation, and Mike and Butch ended up dragging me off the bus, away from this Greek beauty.

Continuing our quest, we made our way into some strangers apartment, where they were having a multi-kegger party. They had a keg set up in the kitchen, behind a bar, but there had to be more than 120 people in a mob waiting to be served. The mob was peaceful, and there was music blaring, so we joined them. There were so many people that it took a good 30 minutes just to work our way up to the front of the mob. Eventually, we made it to the front, and had our cups filled with the delicious foamy golden nectar that is Milwaukee's Best.

If you've never had Milwaukee's Best, you missed out on a real treat. Beast, as it was affectionately known, wasn't brewed like a normal beer. Instead, some of Wisconsin's finest drunks gather around and piss into a huge vat. Miller Brewing Co. refines it a bit, takes out some of the impurities, and calls it Milwaukee's Best.

Anyway, my friends started to peel away from the bar to go find some corner somewhere, but I stayed put. Butch said something to me, but I told him that I was staying close to the beer. I mean, geez, it took me 30 minutes just to get up there. So they went their own way, while I struck up a conversation with the guy running the keg. I'll just call him apartment-dude, because there is no way I can remember his name.

Apartment-dude was obviously very tired, and seemed perturbed about something. After brief introductions, he freely admitted that he'd rather be with his friends and roommates, but instead he got stuck pouring the beer. Maybe it was his frustration, or perhaps it was the beer, but I convinced him to let me run things. I promised that he and his friends would always get quick service whenever they passed their cups forward, and I'd run the keg for him.

Now, if you've never had the chance to be the most popular guy in a room full of drunken college students, I highly recommend it. Within minutes, everyone in the place knew my name, and everyone wanted beer. Now, the apartment-dude and his friends took priority, and my friends got special treatment. Of course all the pretty ladies got served first, but generally everyone got what they wanted. I'm not sure why this guy was so upset, because I was more than happy to stand up there and serve beer to everyone. I must have met a hundred or more nice thirsty people that night. And of course, everyone is happy to get free beer.

After pouring out around two and a half kegs of cheap beer, the crowd started thinning out. The keg I was working on went dry, so I yelled to apartment dude that we needed another one.

"Hey apartment-dude, the keg is dry," I yelled. I was a bit too tipsy to even notice the police officer he was speaking to.

"Steve, the police are here!" he screamed back. "Perhaps you'd better go."

Now, I'm not one to argue with a suggestion like that. While having a good time was on my agenda, spending the night in the drunk tank wasn't. So, I made a hasty exit, waving to the officer as I sneaked by. After meeting up with my friends outside, we hopped on the bus and headed for home. Overall, the evening was quite a blast.