Drunkenness Rating: 20 beers

For those of you that don't know, I went to Virginia Tech, and my buddy Ken attended our rival, the University of Virginia. Every other year, he'd come down with a few of his frat buddies for their annual football thrashing.

Well, this particular year Ken showed up on my doorstep holding two cases of Olympia and exclaimed, "I found something cheaper than Beast!" Then he said "Come see what else I brought with me," and dragged me out to the car where his frat buddies were waiting for us. They popped open the trunk and inside was Nate, a fraternity pledge who they had kidnapped, bound, gagged and shoved into the trunk. He had been riding back there for over two hours. I thought it was so sweet that they'd want to include me as an accessory after the fact to their felony kidnapping.

So, we all went into my apartment to prepare for the Friday night festivities. We were going to a party at a Damon and Sean's place which was just down the hill from where I lived. We loaded up a backpack with a few cases of beer, and headed out. On the way there, Ken ran down to the bottom of the hill, and like a smart ass yelled out, "Hey Steve, don't fall down the hill." That naturally caused me to trip and fall down the hill. My ankle was badly sprained but someone handed me a cold one and told me to walk it off.

At the party, I proceeded to drink heavily to try to dull the pain. At first my limp became less and less noticeable the more I drank, but when it came time to leave, I could barely walk. Since my friends had left the party a few minutes earlier, I walked home alone. As I came limping up, dragging my foot behind me like Quasimodo, my roommate Denny was outside waiting for me. He told me not to get mad, and helped me into the house. Just as I asked him, "Why would I get mad?" I noticed the UVA crew desperately trying to vacuum up the broken glass and dirt that was all over our carpet. Apparently they had held quite a drunken pillow fight after they returned to the apartment.

I'll admit that I was furious. They had smashed two glass tables and murdered an innocent house plant as part of their demolition. Ken wanted to head back to UVA that night, and we had to physically restrain him to keep him from leaving. It all blew over by the next morning, however. After a quick trip to the emergency room for my ankle, we watched VT kick the shit out of UVA.

I returned the favor to Ken a year or so later when I was a 'bouncer' at one of his parties. He asked me to eject Eric and Neal just for the fun of it. Eric went out peacefully and was allowed back in, but Neal put up a bit of a fight. The way I see it, he was lucky to have that table break his fall. He was also quite easy to remove once he was doubled over in pain. But that is another story.