Drunkenness Rating: 20 beers

When I was in college, I lived with a grad student named Jill. One Independence Day weekend while my friend Ken was visiting from UVA, she invited us down to Abingdon to spend the holiday weekend with her and her boyfriend Jerome. With a weekend of fireworks, hiking, and drinking planned, we started out early Saturday morning. We were headed down to the Crazy Herbs, across the Tennessee state line to get some fireworks before going hiking. Jerome only had a beat up white Jeep pickup, so Ken and I had to ride in the bed of the pickup with the cooler of beer. We set up a few lawn chairs back there and set the cooler between us. They were the low-rider type lawn chairs, so they didn't rock too bad when we went around corners.

After we get about a half an hour down the road, I hear Jerome shouting from the cab of the pickup. He didn't have a sliding rear window that opened, so he stuck his head out the driver side window and shouted, "Lets have some cold mammies up 'ere." After a few moments of Redneck to English translation, it finally dawned on me that they wanted beer.

Now, I'm not one to advocate drinking and driving. Drinking while driving just seems stupid. Passing beers up to the front of the pickup while going down the interstate seems suicidal. I even remember saying to myself, as I hung out the side of the pickup bed holding a few bottles of beer, "This is suicidal." But what else could I do?

Anyway, we got off the interstate a short time thereafter, and took the back roads down toward Damascus, to just across the Tennessee border. Crazy Herb took credit cards, so stocking up on fireworks was not a problem. We loaded up the truck and headed up into the mountains to do some hiking. I've always liked hiking. I had been a boy scout in my yute, and loved to get back to nature. However, hiking with beer and fireworks brings a whole new meaning to the activity.

As the day dragged on, we made our way back to Jerome's house for some fireworks and fun. Now, drinking and fireworks may seem harmless enough, but you'd be surprised at the unforseen hazards. Several times a firecracker went off in my hand, however that was nothing compared to the pain of having one of those spinning jumping jacks go off prematurely. The only thing that seemed to dull the pain was a cold beer. The icy cold bottle cooled the burn, and of course the alcohol acted as an anesthetic.

Overall, the weekend was a blast and thankfully no one was seriously hurt. (For some reason, I have a habit of sustaining minor injuries.) We took some stupid risks that I wouldn't dream of taking today, but that is part of growing up. It is only when people fail to grow out of such immaturity and stupidity that they have a problem.