One week from today, millions of Americans across the nation will sit down at their dinner table with family and relatives, to celebrate my birthday. I encourage all Americans to feast on turkey, potatoes, and stuffing, while the Cowboys and Lions host their annual football classics, in celebration of the anniversary of my birth.

Thursday, November 28, I turn 30 years old. I've come to terms with turning the big 3 - 0. It doesn't seem to be as bad as I thought it would have been. When I look back on my life and reflect the last 3 decades, there is very little I would change. Sure, I would have tried to wet the bed a bit less, and I would have ducked to avoid missing that 2x4 that split my head open, but other than that, I'm pretty happy about the way things have turned out.

Just 10 years ago I thought that turning 30 would mean the end of life as I know it. Now, in an attempt to put a positive spin on the event, I came up with a modest list of the best things about turning 30.

Turning 30 is great because:

- I don't mind getting carded for beer anymore.

- Since there was no year zero, I'm actually only 29.

- Lower car insurance rates will offset higher life insurance rates.

- I'm still too young to run for President.

- I can finally wear my "I turned 30 and all I got was this stupid T-shirt", T-shirt.

- I may be 30, but my sister is 33. So when I'm 60, she'll be 66.

- Single women my age are just now entering their sexial prime.

- Single women my age are usually pretty desperate.

- With my lack of diet and exercise, I'm officially 'middle aged'.

- I can stop coloring over my grey hair, and just let it go.

- I'm officially allowed to refer to college kids as 'young whipper snappers'.

- Only 25 more years until I can finally respond to those AARP fliers I keep getting in the mail.

- The 'oldies' stations are finally starting to play my kind of music.

- I get to tell kids about the good old days, when MTV played music videos, everyone had a record player, and someday we were going to get cable TV.

- I'm one year closer to the eternal dirt nap.

- And, finally, there is nothing good about turning 30.