As I grow older, more and more of my friends are getting married off. When that happens, as a single guy, I get to witness 'the change' first hand. When it comes to married people, they aren't as much fun to hang out with as single folks. I'm not saying that I dislike married people, I'm simply saying that marriage is akin to 'fixing' a pet. Sure, they look the same after the process, but they don't seem to walk with the same spring in their step that they used to.

My biggest gripe is that married people are always attached at the hip. They also seem to always utilize a veto power over their spouses. Now, I've been to a lot of weddings, and never once did I hear the holy man ask 'do you promise to always get permission before you go out and have too much fun?' Spouses and married people try to sell it as having respect for one another, but I look at it as not trusting each other. Throw kids into the mix, and you get the "you're not going out and having fun and sticking me with the kids" attitude.

For instance, if I ask a married friend to go see a movie that I've been wanting to see, I always get the "Let me ask my wife (or husband)" response. At this point in the conversation, I am thrown into a sort of marriage purgatory. While they go ask permission from their spouse, I'm left wondering if I'll get to see the movie I started out wanting to see. On more than one occasion, I've had a friend ask their wife if they can go see a movie with me. Naturally, their wife gets upset, because he hasn't taken her to a movie in over three years. If they have kids, next thing I know the whole family is coming, and I'm roped into seeing Monsters, Inc. instead of Monster's Ball. I realize this sounds selfish, but why should I be punished simply because this clod never takes his wife to the movies? Ultimately, what happens is that I've become conditioned to rarely ask married people to do anything separate from their spouses. After all, I pretty much know what the answer is going to be.

Another thing that bugs me about the married is that they always act as if single folks have some sort of disease that desperately needs treatment. I realize that misery loves company, but I'm not at a point in my life where I'm ready to settle down. Still, that doesn't stop married people from grilling me on my dating prospects, or trying to fix me up with their socially rejected friend. I hate blind dates, and I've never had someone billed as 'perfect for me' actually turn out to be perfect for me.

When it comes to marriage and dating, I value my independence. I will not attach myself to a woman that won't let me go out and have a good time without her every once in a while. I also will not tolerate a woman who doesn't like my friends and doesn't want me to hang around with them. I wouldn't dictate who she can be friends with, and she shouldn't limit me. When it comes to your spouse, I think it's important that you treat them with respect. In my opinion, that should include not having to ask permission to go out and have a good time. Besides, if the answer is often 'no', what does that say about your marriage?

Don't take this the wrong way. I've been thinking about this for quite some time, but don't know how to say it without sounding arrogant or mean. Also, I'm not saying that married people suck, I'm merely saying that this is what sucks about married people. I'm sure single people have their flaws too.

Basically, I don't mind hanging out with married people, but sometimes you just want a guys (or girls) night out. Perhaps I don't understand marriage. Perhaps I'm way off base, and I will end up simply alienating all of my married friends. Perhaps I'll live and die alone. Perhaps the only people that show up to my funeral will be there to piss on my grave*. So be it. I'll make sure I'm buried face down so that all of you can kiss my ass.

*Actually, I hope to have an open bar at my funeral, not so much to celebrate life, but to make sure someone (besides me) shows up.