The Washington Times reports that trial lawyers are hoping to strike it rich by suing "Big Ice Cream". Apparently there is the silly notion that ice cream is fattening. Who knew?

Well, apparently a lot of people were clueless about the dangers of over-indulgence of the creamy treat. They've been mindlessly gobbling up the fatty goodness for years, without the slightest inkling that it could lead to obesity. Since it's obviously not their fault, they have no other choice but to take legal action.

Of course, it all makes me wonder how The Onion could have been so prophetic. I remember first reading this story back in 2000, and thinking about how absurd it all sounded. I even printed it out and posted it on the wall of my office at work. Of course, by now, most people have heard about the famed Onion parody about lawyers suing "Big Chocolate." The story made several arguments against the candy industry, many of which are actually being parroted in today's legal circles. Three years ago next month, the Onion wrote:

"Let this verdict send a clear message to Big Chocolate," said Pennsylvania Attorney General Andrew Garsten, addressing reporters following the historic ruling. "If you knowingly sell products that cause obesity, you will pay." [...]

[Hershey's] "knowingly and willfully marketing rich, fatty candy bars containing chocolate and other ingredients of negligible nutritional value." The company was also charged with publishing nutritional information only under pressure from the government, marketing products to children, and artificially "spiking" their products with such substances as peanuts, crisped rice, and caramel to increase consumer appeal.

At the time it was all in good fun, but it sounds eerily similar to what lawyers are actually claiming today. The Times notes:

More than 100 lawyers and health lobbyists met in Boston June 20-22 to map out a strategy of filing obesity-liability lawsuits, particularly against the food industry. [...]

"Your failure to disclose such obviously material information as unusually large calorie and saturated-fat loads may violate state consumer-protection laws and/or your common-law duty to disclose material facts, and may invite lawsuits from concerned consumers, legal-action organizations, or even state officials," read one letter addressed to Haagen-Dazs President David Keil.

Apparently the people gorging themselves on ice cream have been duped for all these years. And of course, there is the lovely new "obesity liability lawsuit" terminology. As if Turkey Hill is holding a gun to people's head to make them eat ice cream.

I see the lack of any personal responsibility as a side affect of the "me generation", and the baby boomers. I can only hope that when they die out, their lunacy will too. Personally, I was fortunate enough to be raised by pre-baby boom parents, who actually knew how to raise their kids. Growing up, I wasn't allowed to chew gum because it would rot my teeth, and sugared cereals were purchased sparingly. My sister and I certainly never had access to some of today's sugar packed foods like General Mill's "Cinnamon Toast Crunch", whose sales pitch was "You can actually see the cinnamon and sugar in every bite."

Of course, my parents also believed in corporal punishment. Although they deny it now, I have vivid memories of my father reaching for that yard stick he kept by his chair. Don't take that the wrong way, they were never abusive. They just didn't let their kids walk all over them the way today's parents do. Personally, I'm a better person for it. It's too bad that now-a-days parents are threatened with jail for exercising just about any sort of discipline.

As I grew older, my parents rewarded me with considerable freedom, as long as my obligations for school and work were met. Ironically, at the time, I viewed my parents as tyrants. If I wanted something, I had to actually work for it, rather than have it handed to me, like some of my friends. When I was 12 years old, I worked a paper route to earn extra money. I used the money to purchase a TV for my room and I even used it to buy a water bed. When I was 14, I quit my paper route and started working a real job over the summers. Although I was allowed to use my mom's car when I got older, I couldn't have my own unless I bought and paid for it myself. Oh, woe is me.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, their type of rearing was building character. Apparently, I really didn't know everything, and my parents really didn't just live to see me suffer.

Too many of today's kids are just handed things at birth. You see kids with cell phones and pagers, and teenager's are driving around in BMW's and Camaro's. When I lived in Atlanta, I used to read about kids that would wreck the car that daddy got for them, only a few weeks after receiving it. Instead of facing discipline, their parents simply went out and bought them another car. What kind of lesson does that teach someone? It's the same lesson that tells people it's okay to sue Breyer's because they ate too much ice cream.