First they pass strict gun control and registration laws, now Canada is setting her sights on air and pellet guns, because a few lawless teens used them for a night of mischief. I guess it's much easier to regulate an industry than to make parents take responsibility for the actions of their children.

Next on Canada's register/ban/restrict list:

• Knives - Knives are really sharp and pointy, and have been known to make eating steak a lot easier. All knives should be banned.
• Sling shots - Kids just aren't learning their lesson from that episode of Andy Griffith show, where Opie kills the momma bird with is slingshot and has to raise the baby chicks himself. Slingshots should be banned.
• Rubber bands - In the hands of a mischievous 13 year old, rubber bands can leave quite a red mark. They should be restricted to persons over 21.
• Paper clips - Sure, the bendy wires may keep your papers organized, but they can easily be straightened out to make a lethal weapon. Ban on metal clips, strict registration scheme on the plastic colored ones.
• Baseball bats - Baseball bats lead to such monstrosities as the Expos and the Blue Jays. All baseball bats should be banned in Canada.
• Hockey sticks - There's nothing wrong with hockey sticks. -- Still, just to be on the safe side, only Canadians and Russians will be permitted access to them.
• Forks - Forks have not one, two, or three, but four pointy tynes. Also, the repeated use of forks has been known to lead to heart disease and obesity. The use of forks should be subject to stringent regulation.

In addition to banning and regulating current consumer products, Canada will continue to work closely with the Playskool division of Hasbro to develop new, safer products that will be much less of a potential threat to consumers.