His comments just sicken me.

The New York Times is not only a biased, liberal rag, but they must also have cracked the formula for the "bringing-to-life" of certain inanimate objects. This is probably due to a dark, conspiratorial alliance with the Brady Campaign, The Violence Policy Center and an unknown group of elitist, anti-gun scientists.

Here is an example: Once, while cleaning my weapons and trying to protect a workbench from spillage, etc., I happened upon some pages from the NYT used as the packing material for an eBay purchase. When used as even the bottom-most layer, with other materials between it and my firearms, they (the guns) suddenly stood up and walked away in disgust! When the NYT was removed from the scene, they kindly returned and submitted to cleaning and inspection. I was too frightened by this event to test other liberal, anti-gun, anti-American publications in this way, but did notice my Glock 19 shift a bit in it's holster when I passed by a newsstand displaying the L.A. Times and copies of Hillary Clinton's book, Living History.

If these conspirators succeed, they will undoubtedly be screaming "Look, they move on their own...GUNS KILL!...ban them all!"