Asian knives, British violence


Just days after Canadia and Mexico blamed America for the proliferation of guns, London is blaming Asia for the proliferation of knives. The lack of guns has meant that knife crime is on the rise, and Great Britain has long considered banning the implements of evil outright.

Now a recently released study shows that knives are crossing the border by the thousands and the number of people wounded and killed is mounting. The seemingly endless flow across the border -- and the sense the bad guys can tap the pipeline whenever they please -- has left many officers feeling helpless. "We remove knives [from the street] on a regular basis now," says Insp. Georges Thomason, head of criminal intelligence for the London police. "But for these people, it's like buying a pack of candy. They re-arm themselves immediately afterwards."

Most of the knives flow into the country from Asia. The vast majority are stamped with "Made in China". Others come from Taiwan. "Most knives come from China," reports Thomason. "It's like it's a billion quid a year industry."

The connection between the knife supply in China and the criminal element in Great Britain is, after all, well accepted, if not well measured. In 2004, British police asked Scotland Yard to trace 1,135 knives seized during criminal investigations -- cuttlery they were pretty sure originated in China. This year, they're on pace to top that number.

While they are forbidden by law from disclosing the success rate of the traces, it is said that knife issues represent about 80 per cent of the office's work these days. A good thing, too: according to the National Weapons Enforcement Support Team, a unit formed to combat smuggling, fully 94 per cent of crime knives they seized on London streets in 2003 came from China and Taiwan, while other studies suggest one out of two knives recovered in British crime are smuggled into the country.

Meantime, hardly a day passes without news of some stabbing in a British city -- often gang-related and too often devastating to innocent bystanders like Niles Cornish, a four-year-old from Manchester who was caught up in the violence.


Category:  Lampoonery
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Comments

Of course, they will have to close the evil ebay loophole. After all, neither of my non-existant Katana's or not-really-straight-from-the-Gurkhas-in-Katmandu Kukris came that way. You want to cut my infidel throat rag-boy? Why not come and do it now?
Look at the twat who brought a knife to a sword fight. :)

Posted by: robert in england? no not me squire at August 19, 2005 7:29 AM

London, 2025:

OFFICIALS CALL FOR FINGER BAN

Noting a 300% increase in murders committed by manual strangulation, Minister of Public Safety I.M.A. Nanny is calling for the amputation of fingers of all persons over the age of five. Ms. Nanny said, "We have banned guns and knives, had all the rocks removed from our island, banned all rope, string, and items of clothing that could be used as garrots, and destroyed all buildings and furniture except piles of pillows. Yet the murder rate is still climbing. Amputation of the fingers prevents people from murdering others, not only with the bare hands, but even if they come into possession of a smuggled gun or knife. It's so simple. Why didn't we think of this before?"

Ahmed Sulieman, the Emperor of Frangistan, which provides the air and sea patrols that enforce the British gun ban by destroying any ship or airplane that approaches their island, says, "Frangistan stands ready to provide the expert swordsmen needed to do these amputations. We will merely require an additional 500,000 British girl children a year as payment."

Posted by: markm at August 19, 2005 9:48 AM

I guess it never occurred to these morons that any idiot can sharpen a piece of metal, wood, plastic, etc, and stab someone with it? Sounds like there is an amazing black market opportunity for someone to crank out cheap shivs in the UK. Especially wood or plastic, since they wouldn't set off metal detectors.

Posted by: Robert Garrard at August 19, 2005 10:40 AM

I blogged your entry in one of my sites:

People Don't Kill People, Asian Knives Do!

By the way, you misspelled "Canada."

James
aka Guns and Butter
aka The Asianist

Posted by: Guns and Butter/The Asianist at August 19, 2005 6:44 PM

If I misspelled Canadia, than where do Candians come from?

Posted by: Ravenwood at August 19, 2005 11:11 PM

Most of the knives probably come in with airline passengers.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at August 20, 2005 8:23 AM

If I misspelled Canadia, than where do Candians come from?

The People's Republic of Kanadana.

James
aka Guns and Butter
aka The Asianist

Posted by: Guns and Butter/The Asianist at August 22, 2005 1:03 PM

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