I always thought that if federal agents ever beat down my door they'd be coming for my guns. But it looks like they may be after something else that's stashed away in the closet.

Early last month, the [FBI] Washington Field Office began recruiting for a new anti-obscenity squad. Attached to the job posting was a July 29 Electronic Communication from FBI headquarters to all 56 field offices, describing the initiative as "one of the top priorities" of Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales and, by extension, of "the Director." That would be FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III.

Mischievous commentary began propagating around the water coolers at 601 Fourth St. NW and its satellites, where the FBI's second-largest field office concentrates on national security, high-technology crimes and public corruption.

The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against "manufacturers and purveyors" of pornography -- not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults.

"I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We must not need any more resources for espionage."

Such is the sad state of affairs in prudish America. You can get your fill of murder, arson, and mayhem on the nightly news. If you photograph a prisoner getting shot in the head, you might even win the Pulitzer Prize. But don't dare show the naked body, or the most natural of acts taking place between consenting adults. That's criminal.

In the immortal words of the lovable Principal Carter: "I sat through every disgusting frame of this film. Twice."

(Via Countertop)