First this girl made a goofy list about what men should do for women to please them. A few guys like this guy, felt the list was more than a little self serving. Considering it contained items like "walk her dog or dangle toys for her cat", and "surprise her one day by washing, vacuuming, and gassing up her car" I tend to agree with his point. Sorry ladies, but if I play with your dog it is because I like your dog, not because I want to get into your pants. Talk about over-analyzing things. (BTW, if I vacuum your house for you, it is because I want to get into your pants.)

That said, I've got a short list of my own that I think compares to Shell's list.

10 Ways to Please Your Man*

1. Shut the hell up. Sometimes guys just wants some peace and quiet; especially during football season. Remember, it's not you that's the problem, it's your mouth.

2. Get him a beer. A guy works hard all day, and a cold beer helps a guy put up with a women who just will not follow rule number one.

3. If you want something special for your birthday, anniversary, or just because, ask for it. Men are not mind readers, and most still won't get the hint if you spell it out with beer nuts. If you want to save time taking it back to the store to exchange it, make sure he knows the exact size, color, model number, and place to buy it. Better yet, just buy it yourself and send him the bill.

4. Leggo the remote. Men like to be in control of things. He doesn't want to be seen having you control his TV set any more than he wants to be seen having you drive him around town in your minivan.

5. Speaking of cars, how about you say something when the damned oil light comes on. Don't expect that light to buzz or flash when the problem gets worse, or to just go away by itself. If you want to give your man a real feeling of self worth, let him take care of it for you.

6. Clean up your damned feminine products. There's nothing a guy hates more than having to wade through your time of the month crap when he's trying to go to the john, or worse, brush his teeth.

7. Don't make us put up with your mother. If we liked your mother, we'd talk to her. Telling us to be nice to her only makes us hate you for the same reasons we hate her.

8. Don't ask us if you look fat in anything. You don't want an honest answer, and probably won't like it if you get it. Besides, if you're fat, you shouldn't blame the clothes.

9. Don't wait for men to notice things. Even if a guy notices you cut/changed/colored your hair, he's not going to say anything because for all he knows you did it two months ago.

10. Don't over analyze us. Men are what they are, so don't treat us like some sort of science experiment. Anything you read about us in Cosmo is wrong, and the only reason it was put in there was to sucker your dimwitted self into buying the magazine.

I could go on and on, but I think the top 10 are a good start. If you can master these, you should be able to please just about any real man*.

* These techniques may have little or no effect on "metrosexual man" that the feminazis have created. If you have one of those, throw him back and try again.

Best of Ravenwood's Universe, originally posted 09/08/2003.

Best of Ravenwood
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