Most Unrealistic Sitcoms


I know, I said I hate these lists, but I figured I'd throw one together to fill in the weekend lull. Here is my list of the most unrealistic TV Sitcoms. I decided to limit it to sitcoms, otherwise I'd be naming every sci-fi show this side of Star Trek. So, here goes.

In no particular order, the Most Unrealistic TV Sitcoms:

    The Flying Nun - A cutie like Sally Field as a nun is almost as realistic as her ability to fly?
    Gilligan's Island - Too many to mention, but I'll try: 15 years on that island, within radio range of Hawaii, same clothes week after week, Ginger and Mary Ann managing to keep from being gang-raped in a 'Lord of the Flies' style mating ritual? Puhleease.
    A-Team - Ok, the A-Team wasn't exactly a sitcom, but still, all those bullets flying around, and the only person ever actually shot was B.A., and not Murdock.
    I Dream of Jeannie - In reality, Jeannie would be a sex slave, and Major Nelson would be driving a Ferrari.
    Bewitched - Lets see, magical powers, two different Dicks, both of whom are light in their loafers, and again with the 'don't use your powers' mantra.
    Alf - That annoying little alien/muppet would have been strangled and eaten by a racoon his first five minutes on Earth.
    Hogan's Heroes - Take your pick, a POW camp run by idiots, or a series that lasted longer than the actual war did. Still Nazi humor flew better in the 60s than it would today.
    Dukes of Hazzard - How many of you actually grew up thinking that the police had to stop chasing you at the county line? Besides, in real life each time they were caught, Bo and Luke would have been pistol whipped so bad their own Uncle Jessie wouldn't have recognized them. Also those pretty boys would make good girlfriends for Hazzard's local yokels while in the pokie.
    Adventures of Superman - No, it isn't Superman that is unbelievable, but his portrayal by a flabby George Reeves.
    Mork and Mindy - I guess to parents and children of the 1970s, Robin Williams on cocaine looked a lot like a space alien. Now he just looks like Robin Williams on cocaine.
    Knight Rider - A car that can do anything, and the driver wastes his time fighting crime? In real life Michael Knight would be drag racing for pink slips while hanging out the T-top.
    Eight is Enough - Should have been 'One is Enough'
Shows that you may think should make the list, but don't.I'm sure I left some out. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Best of Ravenwood's Universe, originally posted 11/30/2002.

10 Ways to Please Your Man


iconFirst this girl made a goofy list about what men should do for women to please them. A few guys like this guy, felt the list was more than a little self serving. Considering it contained items like "walk her dog or dangle toys for her cat", and "surprise her one day by washing, vacuuming, and gassing up her car" I tend to agree with his point. Sorry ladies, but if I play with your dog it is because I like your dog, not because I want to get into your pants. Talk about over-analyzing things. (BTW, if I vacuum your house for you, it is because I want to get into your pants.)

That said, I've got a short list of my own that I think compares to Shell's list.

10 Ways to Please Your Man*

  1. Shut the hell up. Sometimes guys just wants some peace and quiet; especially during football season. Remember, it's not you that's the problem, it's your mouth.

  2. Get him a beer. A guy works hard all day, and a cold beer helps a guy put up with a women who just will not follow rule number one.

  3. If you want something special for your birthday, anniversary, or just because, ask for it. Men are not mind readers, and most still won't get the hint if you spell it out with beer nuts. If you want to save time taking it back to the store to exchange it, make sure he knows the exact size, color, model number, and place to buy it. Better yet, just buy it yourself and send him the bill.

  4. Leggo the remote. Men like to be in control of things. He doesn't want to be seen having you control his TV set any more than he wants to be seen having you drive him around town in your minivan.

  5. Speaking of cars, how about you say something when the damned oil light comes on. Don't expect that light to buzz or flash when the problem gets worse, or to just go away by itself. If you want to give your man a real feeling of self worth, let him take care of it for you.

  6. Clean up your damned feminine products. There's nothing a guy hates more than having to wade through your time of the month crap when he's trying to go to the john, or worse, brush his teeth.

  7. Don't make us put up with your mother. If we liked your mother, we'd talk to her. Telling us to be nice to her only makes us hate you for the same reasons we hate her.

  8. Don't ask us if you look fat in anything. You don't want an honest answer, and probably won't like it if you get it. Besides, if you're fat, you shouldn't blame the clothes.

  9. Don't wait for men to notice things. Even if a guy notices you cut/changed/colored your hair, he's not going to say anything because for all he knows you did it two months ago.

  10. Don't over analyze us. Men are what they are, so don't treat us like some sort of science experiment. Anything you read about us in Cosmo is wrong, and the only reason it was put in there was to sucker your dimwitted self into buying the magazine.
I could go on and on, but I think the top 10 are a good start. If you can master these, you should be able to please just about any real man*.

* These techniques may have little or no effect on "metrosexual man" that the feminazis have created. If you have one of those, throw him back and try again.

Best of Ravenwood's Universe, originally posted 09/08/2003.

Bill Campbell (? - GA)


You read articles like this and this, and you'd never know former Atlanta Mayor Bill Campbell - who was just sentenced to 2 1/2 years in prison - was a Democrat.

If you read this AP story, it's mentioned as the very last word on the very last line. The line that's sometimes cut for brevity.

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Term Limits


You need look no further than Idaho to see just what politicians will do to hold on to political power. Take a look at the timeline of their term limits law.

In 1994, Idaho voters instituted term limits through a voter referendum. The measure passed with 59% of the vote.

Stunned, lawmakers put the measure on the ballot again in 1998. Despite a brutal campaign of political rhetoric and lies, the Idaho voters reaffirmed the measure with 54% of the vote, in favor of term limits.

Not to be dissuaded, lawmakers sued to overturn the term limits in 1999, on the grounds that term limits unconsitutionally denied voters the right to suffrage. The Legislature won their lawsuit, and term limits were struck down.

The decision was appealed to the Idaho Supreme Court, which ruled that the term limits law was indeed constitutional, and term limits were upheld.

Just days after the Idaho Supreme Court affirmed the term limits referendum, the Legislature drafted a bill to override the term limits. Naturally it passed, and term limits were repealed.

Enter the Governor. The Governor sided with the will of the people, and vetoed the legislation. Term limits were upheld.

Within 36 hours, the Legislature overrode the Governor's veto. Term limits were repealed.

Down but not out, the citizens of Idaho have put a referendum on the 2002 ballot to restore term limits AGAIN.

However adding insult to the Idaho voters, the legislature used taxpayer dollars to fund a misinformation campaign, and thanks to confusing wording on the ballot referendum (a "no" vote meant "yes"), term limits were defeated at the ballot box.

Best of Ravenwood's Universe, originally posted 10/19/2002.

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Mustang Sally


iconI've always had a soft spot for Fastback Mustangs. Perhaps it was the first time I saw Steve McQueen racing through the San Francisco streets in Bullitt. It is that fascination that draws me to the raw power and rarity of the 1969 Boss 429 Mustang. While this is not the 1968 Fastback GT that McQueen drove, the BOSS 429 holds a place of it's own in history, with only 859 units produced in 1969, and 500 units produced in 1970 (including the Cougars and Quarter-Horse). The Boss 429 World Registry notes that the cars featured "the stock NASCAR version 429 engine," and that each car was assembled by hand. In fact, the Boss 429 Mustang's very reason for existing, was to homologate the 429 hemi engine so that it could be used on the NASCAR racing circuit.
boss-429-red-mini.jpg
click to supersize
boss-429-red2-mini.jpg
click to supersize
The Autochannel notes that the power plant is a large 429 hemi V8 that makes 375HP, and it has a 4-speed manual tranny which gives it a top speed of around 119 mph. The factory Mustang had to be heavily modified just to fit the large 429 engine. Although the appearance is described as 'understated' compared to a Mach 1 or Boss 302, I find the car to be endearing.

In case you are interested, a pony like this will set you back at least $100k. This one is priced at nearly twice that. (and it doesn't even come with an FM radio.)

Photos courtesy of Musclecarcalendar.com.

Best of Ravenwood's Universe, originally posted 05/09/2003.

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Democrats: Corporate greed hurting Americans


Democrat's greed is ok.

Take a look at this CNN-AP article demonizing corporations, and praising Democrats. There are logic flaws o' plenty that need to be addressed.

"Democrats have made it clear: We're on the side of the American families, taxpayers, investors and businesses that pay their fair share and play by the rules."
Democrats have made it clear that they are on the side of confiscatory taxes for those that can "afford" it, to buy votes by giving benefits to those that "need" it. Karl Marx would be proud that Democrats want to play by his rules.
"We'll close the loopholes that allow the big corporations to avoid their responsibilities and shelter taxes overseas."
Since when is paying higher taxes a responsibility? Corporations are always portrayed by Democrats as nameless, faceless entities that have an obligation to pay more than anyone else. This idiotic statement is analogous to trying to shame homeowners for itemizing their deductions and reducing their tax burden. Shareholders are people too. Those who own the corporation, ONLY have responsibility to increase profitability and shareholder value. In fact, lower corporate taxes benefit everyone. Customers benefit with lower prices, employees benefit with higher wages, and shareholders benefit with increased profits and shareholder equity.
As a state senator in Maine, Pingree sponsored a bill creating the Maine prescription law, in which the state is authorized to negotiate lower drug prices with large manufacturers in order to reduce prices for 300,000 residents.
Ask any economist and you'll find out that there is NO FREE LUNCH. Somebody must pay. Customers outside Maine will pay higher prices. Customers inside Maine will pay with less availability of drugs. Employees will pay with lower wages, and shareholders will pay with lower stock prices. Also, all Americans will pay with less research and development of new drugs and drug treatments.

Democrats continue to assault and demonize American corporations, and hamper their ability to compete in the global market. Corporate profits are currently double taxed at a rate approaching 60%. American corporations that generate revenue in foreign countries, using foreign resources, developing foreign products for foreign markets, are double taxed in the US and overseas. When they try to separate these foreign units in an attempt to compete with foreign companies who are taxed at much lower rates, Democrats accuse them of trying to shirk their "responsibility" to pay high taxes. It has become very clear that Democrats are continuing to shift more and more of the American tax burden to a minority of the population. In return, this money is used to buy votes, keep Democrats in power, and keep people dependent on the government.

Best of Ravenwood's Universe, originally posted 08/26/2002.

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''Reality'' TV


Did you see or hear about PBS' Frontier House. It was an American spin off of the British "1900 House", which I saw last year and thought had been produced very well. "Frontier House" is a "reality" show where an American family tries to live exactly as 1883 Montana homesteaders did. Although life for last years "1900 House" family in England was very difficult, the concept was ground breaking.

In the American spin-off however, an aura of political correctness came over PBS, and they decided to rewrite history. Gordon Clune, head of the Frontier family, had requested that he be allowed a gun to hunt for meat, but PBS denied him that liberty. Instead, Mr. Clune was severely restricted in the use of his only firearm to the warding off of hostile varmints. In addition, Clune was not allowed to actually use the gun for defense, only to try to scare wild animals away.

"We were supposed to give a predator two warnings," Clune told the LA Times. "'Excuse me, Mr. Coyote, please don't eat my chicken. Excuse me, Mr. Coyote, please don't eat my chicken.' Then, you were supposed to fire a warning shot."

Yeah, just like on the frontier.

Best of Ravenwood's Universe, originally posted 05/29/2002.

Keep Reading for Part II

Bear Repellent?

Another comment on the PBS gun ban for "Frontier House".

PBS' rules state that "all participants agree to live as closely to the pioneer lifestyle of the 1880s as possible". They also list one of the ingredients of their "Emergency Box" as "Bear Repellent 'Pepper Spray'".

This gives me a novel idea for a 'reality' show that PBS may want to try. Lets lock a PBS producer in a cage with a bear and a can of pepper spray. At the same time, lock me in a cage with another bear and a 30-06 Winchester.

If I have enough rounds left, perhaps I'll put the PBS producer out of his misery before the bear finishes eating him.

Best of Ravenwood's Universe, originally posted 05/30/2002.

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Long Ashes


I ordered one of these Humidor/Cigar bundles for a buddy of mine. It was only $35 including shipping, and came with 25 hand rolled cigars. I haven't tried any of the cigars, but the humidor is a really nice starter model. It's well constructed of Spanish cedar, and has a great seal. It looks incredible, and has a beautiful cherry finish. I came very close to keeping it for myself.

The cigars are hand-rolled Dominicans that measured 6 inches with a 46 ring gauge. I'm sure they are decent smokers considering the price. It also came with a nice blow torch butane lighter which I did keep for myself (along with 5 of the 25 cigars).

I was so impressed with the humidor that I'm considering ordering another bundle for myself. It's not as large or as nice as my current humidor (pictured below), but it would make a great overflow model. Right now my humidor is a little over stuffed, with over 90 cigars in there. They are stacked three high on one row, and the shelf is a little full. I keep them rotated, and have an excellent humidification system, so I'm not too worried about it.

myhumidor.jpg

Those are shot glasses on the right. If you take a paper towel loaded down with PG (propylene-glycol) and distilled water, it will keep your relative humidity pegged at 70%. The PG doesn't evaporate, but should be changed every year. I use an eye dropper to keep the shot glasses full of distilled water, and it's by far the most effective humidification system I've ever used. (Not recommended for earth quake prone areas where they might tip over.) Those plastic sponges (see black thing on the lid) are worthless, and hard to tell when to fill. If you over fill them, they tend to drip onto your cigars. (nice).

Best of Ravenwood's Universe, originally posted 06/15/2003.

Keep Reading for Part II

Long Ashes II

iconSince I have already mentioned my personally developed method for humidor humidification, I figured I'd offer up some of my expertise on the initial 'priming' of humidors. A collection of fine cigars can cost quite a pretty penny. With handmade cigars costing anywhere from $2 to $20 for the average stick, a full humidor can literally hold several hundred dollars worth of tobacco goodness. It is therefore very important that you take the time to care for your inventory properly.

When you first buy a humidor, and every year or so as part of routine maintenance, you need to prime it so that it will properly hold the humidity. Out of the 5 humidors that I've purchased or owned, only one has ever included instructions on how to properly prime it.

The tools you'll need are your humidor, of course, a supply of distilled water, and a clean sponge. Tap water and regular bottled water have impurities that will clog the pores of the wood in your humidor and leave hard water build up and stains. Distilled water, which is pure H20 only costs about $0.59 a gallon, and is the only water you should ever use. Similarly, your sponge should be absolutely clean. Try to use a new sponge, or have a few sponges that are solely dedicated to humidor maintenance. You don't want your cigars soaking up odors from last night's meat loaf, so leave your kitchen sponge on the back of the sink where it belongs.

Take your humidor, and make sure that it is empty. Pour about a half a cup of distilled water into the humidor, until it puddles up in the bottom about a quarter to half an inch. Use your sponge to completely soak the wooden inside of the box, including the lid. The Spanish cedar* will absorb the distilled water, and swell slightly. Also coat any removable trays or inserts that came with the humidor. Don't leave the removable pieces in the humidor, lest they swell up and become jammed, or warp. Once you have a good even coat over all the wooden areas, pour the water out. Set the humidor upside down, or on one side so that it can drip dry. You don't want standing water in the humidor, so wipe out the excess with the sponge if necessary.

Let the humidor sit open for a half hour to an hour, or however long it takes to dry or evaporate. Once the inside of the humidor is dry, take your damp sponge and coat the inside of the humidor again. You should add water to your sponge if necessary, but you don't need to pour water into the humidor again, like you did the first time. Once the wood is coated, let the humidor sit open again, until it is pretty much dry to the touch. If you had any internal shelves or dividers, give them the same treatment.

Next, take your sponge and make sure it is damp, but not dripping wet. Put the sponge on a plate, and set the plate in the humidor. You may use a plastic bag, or something else waterproof, but it is very IMPORTANT that you do not let the wet sponge touch the wood. BEWARE that if the humidor is still wet, or that if you let the wet sponge directly touch the wood, you could end up with some mold or mildew on the inside. If you have any internal shelves or dividers, wait for them to dry, and put them back into the humidor so that they don't touch the sponge. They may still be swollen, so don't force them. Close the humidor lid, and let it sit overnight, or for about 12 hours. The water vapor should soak into the pores of the wood and condition it overnight.

Remove the sponge and plate, and inspect the humidor. Fill your humidification device with distilled water or solution [a mix of Propylene Glycol (PG) and distilled water], and put it into the humidor. Also put a hygrometer in there, and add your cigars. Most humidors come with an analog hygrometer, which is sometimes not very accurate. You may want to invest in a digital hygrometer. Keep an eye on the humidity. If it spikes too much, leave the lid open for a few minutes to let some of it out. If you are using PG solution in your humidification device, it should start to regulate the inside humidity to about 70% which is where you want it.

Best of Ravenwood's Universe, originally posted 06/24/2003.

* Humidors should always be constructed of Spanish Cedar. That particular type of wood contains no sap or harmful odors that will pollute the taste of your cigars.

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