Yet another cancer cause to add to the list.

The sounds of children playing baseball has been silenced at one ball field in this western North Dakota city. Officials fear the ground itself is simply too unsafe.

The ballpark, one of two in this town of about 700 people, is covered with crushed gravel containing erionite, a mineral found in the chalky white rock mined from the nearby Killdeer Mountains.

The rock, used for decades on everything from gravel roads to flower beds, contains fibers that can collect in the lungs of people who breathe it, health officials say.

Steve Way, a federal Environmental Protection Agency coordinator, said studies have shown that erionite causes cancer in lab rats, though the mineral is not regulated by his agency.

How can anyone take these people seriously anymore?

Worried about breast cancer, ladies? Try walking around in the dark:

Women who live in neighborhoods with large amounts of nighttime illumination are more likely to get breast cancer than those who live in areas where nocturnal darkness prevails, according to an unusual study that overlaid satellite images of Earth onto cancer registries.

No, it's not that cancer is being underreported in rural areas. Streetlights actually do cause cancer (but only in boobies).

So ladies, when you're out and about at night make sure you only walk down dark alleys and avoid streetlights at all costs. Remember, it's for your own good.

The WHO and CDC have thus far been unable to prove that secondhand smoke causes cancer. But that hasn't stopped the neo-temperance movement. I've said for years that smoke bans were coming for cars and other private property for the children. New Jersey is stepping up to the plate.

Assembly bill 4306 would allow police to issue an extra $250 ticket to a smoking motorist who is pulled over for a primary offense such as speeding. The bill has the heavyweight support of the Assembly's majority leader, Loretta Weinberg (D-Bergen) and has been referred to the Assembly's Transportation Committee for consideration.

Driver distraction was also listed as a reason, but drivers would not be given points on their license.

I'm not the only one to gripe about warning labels. Debra Saunders points out that people are so overwhelmed by warnings, they no longer know when to take them seriously.

Lockyer is pushing the acrylamide issue, Weil said, because it is the government's job to dispense information and let consumers decide if they care about a possible carcinogen...

Problem is, there are too many in-betweens -- some 750 other chemicals, according to Weil -- on the Prop. 65 list, and some of those chemicals are ubiquitous or naturally occurring.

As a result, consumers see so many warning signs they can't take them seriously. Even Lockyer isn't that alarmed. In a press release announcing the suit, Lockyer said, "I am not telling people to stop eating potato chips or French fries."

Now I ask you: If people shouldn't stop eating these foods, why post a warning? Michele Corash, a San Francisco attorney who represents five companies being sued by Lockyer, noted that there are so many warnings "we are immunizing the public to signs."

No lie. I've come down with a strong case of warning fatigue. I see the Prop. 65 signs not as valuable warnings, but as nagging. What else would you call a warning against doing something you do every day, like eating, or parking, or shopping?

And whatever I do, it must be wrong, because there's always a sign telling me that what I'm eating, drinking or buying is bad for me. If all of these things are so hazardous, why am I alive?

It's like the boy who cried wolf. And of course when you really do need to warn people, they aren't going to listen.

Since french fries "cause" cancer, you'd better eat them with a cup of cancer curing coffee.

Coffee not only helps clear the mind and perk up the energy, it also provides more healthful antioxidants than any other food or beverage in the American diet, according to a study released Sunday.

Too much coffee can make people jittery and raise cholesterol levels, so food experts stress moderation. But, said Joe A. Vinson, a chemistry professor at the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania, "the point is, people are getting the most antioxidants from beverages."

Antioxidants, thought to help battle cancer, are also abundant in grains and many fruits and vegetables.

I've had my fill of warning labels. My brand new truck has federally mandated big yellow stickers permanently attached to the sun visors warning me about the dangers posed by the federally mandated air bags.

Now the government (of California) is trying to force companies to put warning labels on french fries.

In a complaint filed Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court, Lockyer sought an injunction to stop restaurant chains such as McDonald's Corp. and Wendy's International Inc. from selling french fries without some form of warning.

Also named were producers of potato chips and other packaged potato products like PepsiCo's Frito-Lay Inc. and Procter & Gamble Co., makers of Pringles chips.

The suit asks manufacturers of these products to identify the dangers of high levels of acrylamide, a chemical that studies have found is created when starchy foods are cooked at high heat.

Acrylamide, like every other substance in the world, is thought by the state of California to cause cancer. California's list of carcinogens (available in xls or pdf) currently stands at more than 800 chemicals. I wonder what all these warning labels are doing to the environment. (Maybe the warning labels should have warning labels.)

From the "everything causes cancer" department, a member of the New York City Council is pushing for people to avoid certain cell phones because of the evil death rays they emit.

If you don't want an earful of radio waves, stay far away from two Motorola cellphones, City Councilwoman Eva Moskowitz advised yesterday.

She released a list of nearly 400 cellphone models, along with the amount of potentially cancer-causing emissions absorbed through the ears of people who use them without headsets...

If she has her way, all manufacturers will include the numbers on their advertisements, on their boxes and right on the phones themselves.

She noted the "the jury is still out" on whether cellphones cause cancer.

Last May, the magazine Neurology reported finding no clear connection between cellphones and brain cancer.

Still, Moskowitz suggested cellphone use may turn out to be just as unhealthy as lighting up.

"They used to say that cigarettes weren't bad for you, but we know about that now," she said.

"There are 175 million Americans who use cellphones, and 69 percent of New Yorkers use them every day. We don't want to find out down the road that we've been doing damage to ourselves." [...]

"I definitely don't want to learn later that these things cause cancer."

The EPA is claiming that the chemical known as C-8, which is used to make teflon and many other consumer products causes cancer.

"We believe there is a reasonable basis for some of those questions and that they need to be answered," said Tom Skinner of the EPA.

While on paper it may appear to be the difference of one word, if C-8 is moved from a potential cancer risk to a likely risk, some have said it could be the end for the widely used substance.

Teflon is used to keep food off of non-stick cookware, the rain off of raincoats, and the stains out of carpets. C-8 is also a major concern when it comes to threatening health and the environment, [NBC5's Lisa Parker] reported.

"It's so ubiquitous," said Jane Houlihan of the Environmental Working Group. "It's in every home. We're talking about pizza boxes, butter boxes, microwave popcorn."

The Environmental Working Group appears to be a black marketing organization for the organic foods industry.

Smoking sure hasn't slowed this guy down much.

The front page of the old Wisconsin News on July 14, 1933, is dominated by three large photos showing Hubert Albert smoking his little brains out.

It was newsworthy because he was 5 years old at the time. The accompanying article says the Milwaukee boy started puffing at the age of 20 months - cigarettes, cigars, pipes, you name it. "He's not 6 years old yet, but he knows how to smoke - anything," the headline says. . .

Hubert, or Hutch as he likes to be called, is still alive today, in his late 70s, and in good health.

He kicked the habit around age 10 but took it up again when he joined the Merchant Marines at age 16. He smoked on and off throughout his life and even now enjoys packing his pipe a few times a day.

I'm not saying that smoking doesn't increase your risk of getting cancer. But considering how many people live long and healthy lives while smoking like a chimney (anyone remember George Burns?) it's hardly a causal relationship.

From the Everything Causes Cancer Department, the pleasure police are now warning us about grilled food.

High-heat cooking methods such as grilling and broiling cause meat, poultry, and fish to form potentially carcinogenic chemicals, especially if charring occurs. In addition, when fat drips on hot coals (or any heat source), other possible carcinogens are formed and are deposited on the meat by the rising smoke and flames.

I think it's much easier if you simply accept that fact everybody dies eventually. Once you get that out of the way, you can go about living by the General's motto:

Live the good life. Drink, smoke, gamble, feast, joke, fornicate and be tolerant of those who do. Take risks and thrive for the good challenge. Work hard and play hard without going over the edge. Live in the moment. Believe in moderation in all things, including moderation. Live it up!

I'd rather die fat and happy than live in prolonged misery.

From the Everything Causes Cancer Department, activists are targeting potato chips. The warning label nazis want consumers to be told that each bag of chips contains harmful cancer-causing chemicals.

Public health attorneys in California have potato chip makers in their sights for not listing a cancer-causing chemical present in many brands.

That chemical is acrylamide. It is an industrial chemical used in plastics, pesticides and sewage treatment that also can occur when starchy foods, such as chips, are processed at high temperatures. The World Health Organization has said acrylamide may be responsible for up to one-third of all cancers caused by diet, as demonstrated by laboratory animal studies. Acrylamide is already on California's list of chemicals known to cause cancer, but some chipmakers haven't listed it on their product packaging as required by Proposition 65 statute.

There you have it: Eat potato chips and die! It's one Goddamned unique ad campaign that's for sure.

Here is more proof that scientists really don't know anything (except how to get more funding).

Scientists are excited about a vitamin again. But unlike fads that sizzled and fizzled, the evidence this time is strong and keeps growing. If it bears out, it will challenge one of medicine's most fundamental beliefs: that people need to coat themselves with sunscreen whenever they're in the sun. Doing that may actually contribute to far more cancer deaths than it prevents, some researchers think.

The vitamin is D, nicknamed the "sunshine vitamin" because the skin makes it from ultraviolet rays. Sunscreen blocks its production, but dermatologists and health agencies have long preached that such lotions are needed to prevent skin cancer. Now some scientists are questioning that advice. The reason is that vitamin D increasingly seems important for preventing and even treating many types of cancer.

So not using sunscreen causes cancer. Now, using sunscreen causes cancer. It sounds to me that the only thing researchers do know is that they need more money. (preferrably the taxpayer's money)

Ravenwood's latest pickup line: "Come on baby, you wouldn't want me to get cancer, would you?".

It will make you go blind. It will make your palms grow hairy. Such myths about masturbation are largely a thing of the past. But the latest research has even better news for young men: frequent self-pleasuring could protect against the most common kind of cancer.

A team in Australia led by Graham Giles of The Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne asked 1079 men with prostate cancer to fill in a questionnaire detailing their sexual habits, and compared their responses with those of 1259 healthy men of the same age. The team concludes that the more men ejaculate between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to develop prostate cancer.

Mimicking the lobby to legalize medical marijuana, we could push legislators to leave this in (*cough*) professional hands.

Hat tip to Countertop.

It's not even safe to wash your hands or brush your teeth any more. Here is more proof that everything causes cancer.

Dozens of toothpastes sold at supermarkets are at the centre of a cancer alert today.

Anti-bacterial cleaning products, including dishwashing liquid and handwash, are also affected.

Researchers have discovered that triclosan, a chemical in the products, can react with water to produce chloroform gas. If inhaled in large enough quantities, chloroform can cause depression, liver problems and, in some cases, cancer.

I checked my roll of toothpaste, and the anti-gingivitis ingredient, Triclosan, is listed as an active ingredient at 0.3%. It's hard to imagine that 0.3% of that little dab of toothpaste would react with the trace amounts of cholorine in tap water and create any significant amount of chloroform gas. Besides, it was already said that chlorinated tap water causes cancer years ago.

But if you are truly worried about it, just brush your teeth with bottled water. Or don't use water at all, except to rinse.

UPDATE: Here is the best part (added for Brian J.): "Marks& Spencer confirmed today it was removing products containing triclosan from all its stores and has been working with Greenpeace to develop alternative products."

"Secondhand Smoke Raises Cervical Cancer Risk" -- Headline, Fox (search) News

Eventually everything will be found to cause one form of cancer or another.

All you non-smokers out there that are apathetic to smoker's rights take notice. The pleasure police are out to take away your soft drinks next.

A study in India claims that there is a correlation between esophageal cancer and drinking soft drinks.

In the study, researchers cited U.S. data that showed per capita consumption of carbonated drinks rose by more than 450 percent from 1974 to 2000, from 10.8 gallons on average to 49.2 gallons in 2000. During that same period, the incidence rates of esophageal cancer rose by more than 570 percent in white American men.

Of course there is no proof of a causal link. Hell, they didn't even look to see if those that had esophageal cancer were even drinking more soda than usual. They simply saw a correlation in the numbers and deduced that there must be a link.

[Dr. Richard Adamson, vice president of scientific and technical affairs for the National Soft Drink Association] says that because study authors didn't dig further to see if those diagnosed with the cancer also drank the beverage, asserting that sodas may cause esophageal cancer is a considerable reach. According to Adamson, people also ate more pizzas over that time span; cell phone and computer use skyrocketed as well. And yet, he points out, researchers didn't correlate those behaviors with esophageal cancer.

Yeah, I know the guy works for the soft drink companies but he raises a valid point. And research like this is used by the pleasure police to take away our favorite vices all the time. One thing I'm sure the researcher will conclude is that he needs more money for more research.

(I wonder if I can sue my employer for not letting me drink beer instead of soda during the day.)

Apparently, smoking causes everything from gonorrhea to mad cow disease.

Smoking causes a range of diseases never before suspected, including cataracts, acute myeloid leukemia and cervical, kidney, pancreatic and stomach cancers, U.S. Surgeon-General Richard Carmona said on Thursday.

In fact, smoking affects virtually every organ of the body, Carmona said in the newest surgeon-general's report on smoking.
"We've known for decades that smoking is bad for your health, but this report shows that it's even worse," Dr. Carmona told a news conference.

Prepare to hear this news trumpeted by the smoke nazis. These are, after all, the same people who took the World Health Organization's hypothesis that second hand smoke may increase the risk of cancer to mean "second hand smoke causes cancer." You still hear it today, even after the 7-year WHO study failed to prove it.

Now, I hate to imply that the Surgeon-General might be a slight bit biased when it comes to smoking, but I will leave you with this to chew on.

"The toxins from cigarette smoke go everywhere the blood flows. I'm hoping this new information will help motivate people to quit smoking and convince young people not to start in the first place."

How convenient that his report aligns perfectly with his hopes.

I've always thought that scientists will eventually link everything to cancer, but I must admit that I never figured this one would be on the list. As if women need another excuse not to do those things we like.

The smoke nazis are giving Arnold hell about his love of cigars.

"That's very frightening that would even think about smoking inside the heart of our state Capitol," said Jim Walker, the director and founder of Stop Tobacco Abuse of Minors Pronto. "He could do more good by championing our cause rather than trivializing it."

Frightening? He's got to be kidding. The American Cancer Society is giving him the business too.

"We are deeply disappointed at several recent public depictions of your use and promotion of cigars and urge you to refrain from modeling this dangerous habit," the American Cancer Society, American Heart Association and the American Lung Association wrote in a recent letter to Mr. Schwarzenegger.

If there were ever a time for a politician to use the words "bite me", this is the time.

Antitobacco groups are worrying about the impact he can have among young fans by making smoking looking cool.

"Schwarzenegger has been one of my heroes through the years, thanks to his confidence and his positive attitude, and I would hope that rather than turning this back on the thousands of families that have lost loved ones, he would take up and champion our cause," Mr. Walker said.

That's because smoking, especially cigars, is cool. So is drinking and gambling. They are personal vices, and we don't need guys like Walker forcing their rules on us because he's "frightened" over something so trivial as smoking cigars.

Does smoking cause cancer? No. But it does increase your risk. But then again, so does everything else, and you have to die of something.