For years, Washington D.C. residents have cried about taxation without representation. Now they have something else to boo hoo about. In a landmark legal ruling, U.S. District Judge Reggie B. Walton ruled that the Bill of Rights only applies to states, and that District residents have no legal protections under the Constitution.

Walton started off by putting a double whammy on the Second Amendment, ruling that it only applies to members of the government (like the National Guard), and that it could only be used to protect people from the government (like the National Guard).

But then Walton went a step further by adding, "the Bill of Rights does not apply to the District of Columbia because it was intended to protect state citizens, and the District is not a state." This is a sharp contrast to the generally held belief that all American citizens are protected by the Constitution, not just those living in one of the 50 states.

The fallout from the ruling is not yet clear. The British Monarchy have already gone on record as saying that they won't quarter any soldiers in the District, but they have not ruled out sending them to the U.S. Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, Guam, or some place tropical.

Meanwhile, the Bush Administration is elated at the decision. They had been pressured to give Constitutional protections to citizens and non-citizens being detained at Guantanimo Bay in Cuba. A spokesman for Bush quipped, "Now that we know the Bill of Rights only applies to people within the 50 states, we don't have to worry about giving fair trials to all those 'Johnny Taliban' types we keep running into in the war on terror." Let the cruel and unusual punishment begin.