Many of you have probably never even been to Ohio. If you have, you probably spent the bulk of your time in a major city like Cleveland or Cincinnati. Here are some of my observations about life in small-town Ohio. Those of you from Ohio, please don't take offense.
There is nothing to do in Ohio. This is important to remember, as it explains some of the other observations.
Beer guzzling and chain smoking are state past-times. You wonder how Phillip-Morris and RJR stay in business? Come to Mansfield sometime and you'll see.
Driving takes on new meaning. People here are going nowhere fast. Even the Amish in their horse and buggies get pissed of at Ohioans tendency to ride slow in the fast lane.
Ohioans will not pull out into traffic unless it is clear for 2 miles in each direction.
Mansfield has invested a lot of money in stoplights. Being very proud of their investment, they want to make sure that you get to enjoy them all.
Union cards are handed out at birth. This is hardly worth arguing about, because I will never understand union mentality. Likewise, union workers will never understand why someone would choose to drive home from work in the dark.1
The Lottery is king. Most Ohioans can tell you precisely how much the upcoming estimated lottery jackpot is, but they have no clue how much they paid in income tax last year. Many think that they didn't pay any, because they got a "refund".
Almost no one here actually owns a car, they are all on 77 month leases. (that's right, 77 months)
Ohio has a strictly enforced seatbelt law, however motorcyclists are encouraged to ride around without a helmet.
Potholes are used as a unique way of enforcing the speed limit. At this very moment, union workers are busy installing them.
Ohioans also drink a lot of "pop"2. Ask for a "soda" here and you'll probably get carbonated water.
Ohio is Pepsi country. Coke is sometimes available, but they have to get it from the back and dust it off first.
These are just some of the observations I have made since living in Mansfield, Ohio. I certainly hope no one is deeply offended by anything I have said. Remember, you need to learn to laugh at yourself before you can laugh at others.
1 Those of you who know what I mean about driving home in the dark, probably also know the difference between a job and a career.
2 Where I'm from "pop" is the guy who used to beat you for not getting out of his chair fast enough.